are you still at the devil's house?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize