apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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