Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
