I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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