i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
