I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
