pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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