Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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