i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
