the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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