So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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