they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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