apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
