just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
