I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
