She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize