The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
