How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
