i'm signing you up for texting rehab
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
