Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
