the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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