i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
