I'm lost and stupid without you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
