My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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