What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
