When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
