I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dignity is for republicans.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
