How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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