I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
