"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
