You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
