ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was born a porn star she said
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
