she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
