Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
worst night to have a conscience
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
