I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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