Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize