take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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