idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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