also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
