Barsexuality is the new black.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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