Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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