Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
