totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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