You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
