sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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