Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize