My friends, they love my intelligence
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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