I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
