Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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