his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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