my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
