I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
