it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
