Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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