dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
