We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
