I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
