You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
