I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
