Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
