So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
