guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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