ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
