you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
