atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
