i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
