my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
