He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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