I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
