Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
