I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
