i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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