Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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