You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
