Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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