Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
