Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
